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Those Mornings…you know…those mornings? Visions for 2018…. Resilience

 

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Those mornings…..you know….those mornings that test you to your core? The ones that make you wonder…What the hell is happening?

I had one of those mornings…. this morning…and it is only 9:11am.

It’s amazing how much starting off a day wrong has the potential to send the whole rest of the day into a tailspin….Mayday Mayday!!!! We are going down!

Like most things in life seem to be, it is all in how you handle the “falling apart” of the morning as to whether you will have a chance to pull the day back on track and make the Lemonade! you know…out of the lemons.

But isn’t controlling the “falling apart” the worst? I mean…most of the time my lack of the control of the “falling apart” is exactly what gets me into more trouble. It is almost always my lack of patience in a time of struggle that sends my children into monster zone. If I had just slowed down and answered the question, or if I had just taken a deep breath and counted to 5 I might not have started yelling…which made the little one yell…and boom! Explosions, drama, struggle.

The guilt of not controlling the fall apart tends to eat at me sometimes. The saying “hindsight is 20/20” is absolutely true, and I have to imagine and hope that one day foresight could be at least 20/10 or 20/40.

Here’s the thing though, every day presents new challenges and uncovers new weaknesses. It is one thing being in a boat with one manageable leak…you can easily scoop the excess water from. But if your boat has 5 leaks, stuff starts to get real.

It all comes back to that resilience concept I think.

Merriam-Webster’s definintion:

Definition of resilience

1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress

2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

re·sil·ience

How quickly can you adjust?

Boy oh boy…is this the course we should all have taken…people should be tested on this early on in their life, before the going gets too tough. Oh wait…we are! Every day of our lives we are registered, attending and being tested in this resilience course.

Some days I’m acing the course, or let’s be honest, I’ve never really been the overachiever straight A type…I am B+’s this course. But somedays, I completely forget to get up and even go to class. It is like I’m some hung over first year sitting at McDonalds eating a breakfast sandwich saying I’ll go to class tomorrow.

Here’s the nice thing about being registered and taking a course for your entire life…there is always class tomorrow. You can always try harder and you can always decide today is the day you are turning that C- into an A.

So this morning when I slept too late, I didn’t get up and get upset at myself or anyone else, I just took a deep breath and went a little faster. A+

When I woke up my children, though I wanted a few more minutes to get coffee in me first… so I could be awake but couldn’t because I got up late. I took a deep breath and rubbed their backs and said kind things. I did this even though in my head all I could hear was… hurry hurry hurry. A+ (not for the run-on sentence though…but gahhh)

When I realized I had no cereal, no eggs (hardboiled only…no one but me likes those), no granola bars, no quick pancakes or waffles…no time to make something from scratch. I took that deep breath and offered them left over Greek cookies they made with their Nana. A+

When I realized my hair looked crazy and I had no time to shower, I plugged in that flat iron and did what I could to look like a normal person. I multitasked the you know what out of it. A+

When I got the call from work that no one would be in today, and I should work from home. I smiled and enjoyed the possibility of a slowdown and no commute to work, even though I had been rushing all morning just for that commute. A+

When I went to grab all the things I put in the car for the morning commute that was no longer happening and dropped my coffee cup…cause who can carry 40 things at once and not drop something (don’t I always tell the children…make multiple trips). I hobbled into the house on one foot the other dripping with coffee and ask for help from my husband (who by the way was having his own morning…and is usually very helpful). We cleaned up the mess together, and moved on. A+++

During the “falling apart” there was no yelling this morning, no questioning the universe or humanity. I kept my Perspective, which is always available….look at World news. I didn’t make things worse freaking out during the “falling apart” I kept the boat afloat, I did pretty darn well this morning in my resilience course and maybe even made some lemonade with this post!

I think I might have turned this one around…at least today I did.

Sunburst Mirrors – “Let a little sunshine in”

With Summer gone, a great way to brighten a home space is to add a mirror to it. What’s better than a sunburst mirror? These mirrors are timeless. They come in great materials and textures, and are a bold statement in any style room. Check out some of my picks for favorite sunburst mirrors I’ve found online.

Wooden-Starburst-Mirror Etsy JsparksCreations
Wooden-Starburst-Mirror Etsy JsparksCreations
Safavieh Royal Leaf Sunburst Wall Mirror $90.20 Hayneedle
Safavieh Royal Leaf Sunburst Wall Mirror $90.20 Hayneedle
Tielle Starburst Wall Mirror $393.80 All Modern
Tielle Starburst Wall Mirror $393.80 All Modern
Hardy Wall Mirror by House of Hampton $158.99 Wayfair
Hardy Wall Mirror by House of Hampton $158.99 Wayfair
Sunburst Wall Mirror by Darby Home Co $164.99 Wayfair
Sunburst Wall Mirror by Darby Home Co $164.99 Wayfair
Florence Mirror $199.00 Pottery Barn
Florence Mirror $199.00 Pottery Barn
Sunburst on the Scene Mirror $299.00 Wisteria
Sunburst on the Scene Mirror $299.00 Wisteria
Small Sunburst Mirror $35.99 Macys
Small Sunburst Mirror $35.99 Macys

 

Are you raising girls? Are you still raising you? Women…we need to read this and believe it

While I was setting up a twitter account for Blooming Wisdom the other day, I ran across this piece. Kudos to Mary Elizabeth Williams for speaking truth about women and what defines us. Her piece entitled Women: Stop apologizing for eating stirred an inner pot with me.

http://www.salon.com/2016/09/06/women-stop-apologizing-for-eating/

This piece dares to imply that many women barely eat while in public, and when they do…there is quite a bit of apologizing for it.

When I read this article…the first thing that came to mind was a late afternoon event I was recently at. I noticed a few women saying that they hadn’t eaten yet that day, as they started snacking on the appetizers that were provided.

My first instinct was to gasp…because oh my goodness…they must have been hungry? I don’t judge them, and in fact I envied them for a moment. I note that they are both gorgeous ladies with very trim figures.

I envy the self-control that it must take to only eat once a day or nibble a bit throughout.

The interesting thing is that many women do tend to apologize or explain away their eating. Pointing out to others as they eat…what they have or haven’t had yet that day. Making an excuse for getting something delicious or explaining why it is ok this time.

The author starts with an example of being out to lunch with a female executive who apologized away her choice to go with an entrée instead of her usual salad because she hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning.

How many times have we all heard or even said these words. Do we ever think about the impact these statements make…what they mean? Do we worry if they are in front of our children that we are setting a bad or at least a confusing example.

Isn’t everyone always saying breakfast is the most important meal of the day?

Mary Elizabeth Williams goes on to state, “Women, please, just order the entrée. You don’t need to explain it. You don’t need to apologize for it.”

There was a time many moons ago that I barely ate breakfast. I would love to say it had to do with my waistline, but it was really more to do with my inability to get out of bed as a young twenty something who needed to be to work on time, more than I needed to take good care of my body.

I won’t bother to list the other twenty something type things I did that weren’t great for my body or soul but I have grown and learned from them. I often look back at those years as wasted one’s…though they were fun.

At 24 stumbling through life with a sense of invincibility often drove many of us to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever we wanted or have that diet coke for breakfast and on and on.

The truth is, I still know I have it in me to make poor choices and I don’t judge those who haven’t switched from diet coke to coffee (because coffee of course is more grown up) in their 30’s and 40’s. Everything will kill us right?

But the idea that there are many women still barely eating to keep their figures, psyche and those around them in check is no pun intended….hard to swallow.

I’m not talking about a friend who orders an entrée and eats half and takes the rest home. This is self-control and moderation…which is great and I wish I had more of.

But I remember times where I knit picked every meal. I remember being an athlete in high school and doing a cabbage soup diet. I can’t imagine why I would have needed that now looking back, or how I didn’t realize how much more I needed as an athlete to be balanced and healthy.

I know what it sounds like when I myself would worry so much over a meal and what to get that I couldn’t even make a choice.

Going out to dinner can become debilitating. This behavior drags down those around you and also is a drain on your positive energy. Life is supposed to be fun too, and going out to eat with someone and having them be weird about their food isn’t fun.

I have known ladies over the years that put on such a façade to those around them about food…trying to put forward a version of themselves that isn’t realistic…and why?

We as women need to own are persons and stop apologizing about what we eat, and how we eat it. As the author says, “We’re all working through our lifetimes of baggage, as well as the incessant barrage of messages that a female has failed if she “doesn’t look like this anymore” –i.e., a 20- year-old photograph.”

I often wonder to myself if I just don’t have the internal energy to be that strict with myself…my eating…a diet. But I want to note that every time in my life I have been that minimal in one area, it wreaked havoc in others. Being hyper restrictive can have negative side effects because it isn’t balance. 

“And I want to say that when women are weird in public around food, they put other women in an awkward position. So I’m not playing. I’m not here to give you permission to order fries and I’m not going to co-sign on how fat we’re all going to get after eating this cheesecake. When you exclaim dramatically that you couldn’t possibly eat that whole entrée, I am not going to applaud your restraint. I. Don’t. Care. I am grown-up lady who can make decisions about what to cook and what to order and I’d like to assume you are, too. And being at a table together with other women shouldn’t ever be anything to say you’re sorry about.” Mary Elizabeth Williams

I don’t want my girls being raised worrying about their bodies. I don’t want them to hear me picking over my outfit because I feel I look fat or ugly. I try so hard to keep that from them, and to walk out in to the world with my head held high regardless of how I feel inside. 

I hope to give them good habits that work for them throughout their lives, so that they won’t even need to think about it. Hopes and dreams….right?

There will be a day or many they look in the mirror and wonder if they could be better…but I hope restriction just as much as excess… aren’t the first places they turn to re-fill their hearts and souls.